Memories remind me of the wind.

The way it comes and goes, having such power and boldness but pausing whenever it decides to.

Never allowing any force to override it’s decision, wins comes.

Whether it would be a refreshing breeze or a dangerous storm causing nothing but destruction, wind always comes.

On this particular day, I was battling a dangerous storm full of memories and no matter how hard I tried to ignore them, there force overrode my mental strength.

I looked around; however, I did not see the present, I saw the past.

I did not see the crowds of people standing alarming close to me, I saw him.

He was running around this very train, dancing to the quiet music played in the back ground.

The music that he said was solely played to drain out the awakward silence exchanged between strangers.

I must have been crying as I looked around at the past, realizing there was no future with them.

My tears felt hot on my face, but they did not remain there long.


1Peter 5:8: Be sober, bevigilant: because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking who me he may devour.

Isn’t it interesting in the above passage that the devil has to seek our those whom he may devour? This means that he can’t devour everyone. Don’t surrender, your authority to him and be found among those whom he can devour! Also, did you notice that he roams about like, or as, “a roaring lion?”

I asked the Lord why the devil goes about as a roaring lion and not some other creature. He led me to Proverbs 19:12, which says, “The king’s wrath is like the roaring of a lion.”

The devil is an imposter who goes about as a roaring lion because he is imitating the King of Kings, our Lord Jesus, the real lion of Judah. He wants people to think that our King is full of wrath, anger, and rage against us. He comes at us roaring with the voice of condemnation, accusation, and shame.

Satan wants you to have the impression that you have failed God, and that He is not only disappointed with you. Now, if toy believe that about God, would toy be taking refuge under the shelter of His wings? Would you be taking your rightful place of authority, power and strength? Of course not. In fact, you will flee from God!

That is exactly where the devil wants you to be. When toy run away from God, you are running straight into the devil’s snare. You abdicate your place of intimacy with God.

Beloved, you need to know this: You are loved. God is not mad at you. In Christ you can have the confident assurance that toy are forgiven, loved and righteous (Ephesians 1:7; Romans 8:38; 2Corinthians 5:21). The Lord Jesus has taken all your punishment at the cross so that today, you can enjoy His undeserved, unearned, and unmerited favor. God sees you in Christ, who is completely spotless and without blame.


I love being single.

Especially as a Christian woman, it often feels like marriage and children are the goal. There’s a sense that if you’re single something must be wrong with you.

This doesn’t even take into account the larger cultural pressure of what I call “Hallmark philosophy,” based on the plot of so many romance movies on the Hallmark Channel. This is the idea that you can have “everything”-fulfilling job, great friends and family, meaningful life but that special someone, you’re destined to be unhappy.

I want to speak up for singles who love where we are in life. People are single for a multiple of reasons, so I can only speak for myself, but I consider it a major blessing that I’m not married and here are 8 reasons why.

1. I Haven’t Found the Right Person: I’m not a huge proponent of the idea of “soulmates” or “true love,” but I do know that if God wants me to marry, He’ll let me know. Since He hasn’t, I’m much happier to remain single than to pursue a relationship He hasn’t called me to.

2. I Get to Be Independent: I’ve never truly been my own person before. My parents were in charge throughout my childhood; my Christian college had strict rules and treated us more like children than adults. I love, for the first time, being able to do whatever I please, with only God and my conscience as my guide.

3. I Can Travel: For my job at least during non-Covid-19 I traveled all over the country to teach at conference going to visit friends or family. With nothing on me or waiting for me at ho e, I can suitcase and hit the road.

4. I Can Focus on My Family and Friends: This leads right into another point. Or holidays, I don’t need to worry if were seeing his family or mine. I get to focus on my family, and not feel tugged elsewhere. All the time, concern, and might go to a spouse is directed toward immediate family.

5. I Can Be Financially Independent: It may seem worldly, but I love being completely in charge of my finances. I don’t have to worry if my spouse has spent too much or clear my purchases with someone else. If I have the money in the bank and decide to use it on yet another stack of books, there is nothing to stop me.

6. I’m Free to Follow God’s Call at the Spur of the Moment: People who are married of course follow God’s call. However, there are certain restrains that must be considered when making big decisions like switching jobs, moving etc. It is a joint decision, and dreams may be delayed or prohibited because one spouse isn’t in a position for that spontanely.

7. I Can Live with Friends: Speaking of moving, being single is a fantastic time to experience the joys of living with friends. It’s so much fun to decorate an apartment together, experience a new city, host gathering. I’ve been blessed with amazing roommates.

8. I Can Focus on My Career: Before immediately jumping to 1Timothy 6:10 and the love of money being the root of all kinds of evil, let me assure you I’m not talking about money here. However, I have felt God’s call to my career more than I’ve felt called to anything else in my life.



“What happened only happened because God allowed it, he didn’t intend it for you, the word of God says my thought for you is of good and not of evil, he only allowed what he knew you could survive and what he could totally redeem, that means through every stage, he was there with you-” he paused then wiped the tears by the side of her face using his thumb.

He continued, “Because if he is in it with you, he can redeem all that was taken from you, just like he restored two times of all Job lost.”

He raised her hand to his lips then he gently missed the back of her hand.

At that moment, she felt her entire being sucked out of the void, she opened her eyes to see her hand still on the button but she hasn’t pushed it, she looked around her…..everything was still just as if time stopped.

She noticed something on the only empty seat in the train, beside her; a big book with inscription “The Bible.”

She placed her hand on the book and smiled, this time with happiness on her face.

She instinctively opened the Bible.

“….. So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning…..” She quoted from the verse that caught her attention right at the middle of the page.

Tick Tock!

Tick Tock!

The chattering noises and the chugging of the rails resumed.

“Isn’t that Roseline?” Everyone on the train began to mutter, she raised her brow unsure of if they were speaking of her or someone else until they all started rushing towards her.

Her eyes widened.

“It is truly her,” they exclaimed, she pulled off a smile in the shocking situation that she would have personally handled with ease if it was ten months ago.

“I…..I…..” The words hung at her throat.

“Can I have your autograph?”

“Can I take a picture with you?”

“When can we gear you sing again?”



She looked around her, white void. Seated on a chair in the middle of nowhere. He hand still on the round button beside her watch.

She suddenly felt a warm touch on her shoulder, she turned around but no one is behind her.

“Jesus loves you, ” the warmth of the voice stung her heart, tears trickled down her cheeks in an instant, she hasn’t heard a voice so warm in months.

She slowly turned her head to her front.

A man presumably in his late forties stood in front of her with a blinding halo of flourscenr light around him, she looked away for a moment then glanced at him again.

The light had made everything about him white except for his face.

He knelt on one knee beside her then took her hand into his with a fatherly smile.

“Jesus loves you,” he repeated following a light pat on the back of her head.

Her lips slightly parted as she tasted the salrness of her tears she stopped shedding tears…..months ago, it made her forget the salty taste of her tears.

“Jesus……does he know me?” She asked despite the crack in her voice from months of crying before she was finally unable to cry.

The man widened his smile then he nodded his head in affirmation, a sudden feeling of peace engulfed her heart and mind, she has never felt so at peace with the world.

She lowered her head then bit her lower lips to stop the tears from flowing uncontrollably.

She didn’t want to accept it, she has spent months in suffering, agony, misery and all sort of awful emotions but why is it now she decided to end everything that this person has to appear?

She doesn’t want to reconcile with the world.

Her heart wrenched at the thought of the silhouette of awful memories, the man she loved and gave her all to left her, the foetus in her belly died before it was born, she was humiliated, molested and stoned, yet where was this man.

“Where was he…..during my months of suffering, where, was he?” Her eyes became blank but this man stared into it with warmth and love.

She knew, his answer is what determined her end.



I lost it all…..

In the midst of the crowd sitting in the worn-out shuttle train, all her senses are shut to the noises, smell and touch in the train filled with people from different part of the city.

She had already made her decision, this world no longer welcomes her stat so she will sorrowfully leave the world to another place…..if at all the place they all speak of exists.

She is listening to her last music, the one she always loved and was once able to play in a grandeur dress to earn the standing ovation of thousands seated below the stage where she once stood.

She has once sung her beloved soprano ‘Last tear’ on the highest stage where many singers have shed tears and blood to stand on.

What a joke life made of me…..

Just one false scandal took everything away from me, everything I worked for, my love, my child, my voice, my wealth… world.

She opened her eyes that have been closed for the past two hours since she entered the train.

The moment should arrive soon.

She thought then glanced at the worn-out leather watch on her wrist.

Ten seconds left.

Now that it’s all gone is left of me.

My wretched life should just disappear since the world is appalled by my existence.

Oh my last tear.

The last verse of the song ended.

She widened the corners of her lips to form a smile coated with sorrow, at least all of it will be gone in just a moment, everyone seated in this train and…..herself.

She closed her eyes as she placed her finger on the round button at the side of the watch then she pushed the button.


What is this?

Too peaceful.

She was still waiting for her body to be engulfed in a sea of hot flames when she felt a soft touch on her hand, she shot her eyes wide open the turned to her side.

No one.



I watch as his cheeks turned bright red just like mine, and he looks down at the table. “Uh, sorry. I’m being cheesy, I know. Olivia informed me on all the romantic pick-up lines from her movies.”

I laugh. “No, no. You’re fine. That was sweet.” But I can’t help feeling a bit awkward, too.

The silence drags on, neither of us saying anything.

“Well,” I say finally. “These chocolates aren’t going to eat themselves. We don’t have to make out like those movies. I look him in the eyes, and he smiles. “That’s not how we are.”

The rest of our Valentine’s day as a couple was spent talking and eating chocoy enjoying each others company.

For some girls, all they want to do is kiss a guy. But when it comes to liking Brent, kind, compassionate, understanding Brent, all you want to do is talk.



He grins. “What?”

“How in the world did you know that creme filled chocolates are my favourite?”

“Olivia told me. I asked her.”

“Of course she told you.”

Olivia can never keep her mouth shut about anything.

“I’m guessing she told you that I have had a crush on you, too?”

He raised his eyebrows.

“No, she didn’t tell me that.”

My cheeks suddenly burns, and I have to look away.

Brent sighs.

“But….. I suspected as much. And I’ve been obvious about my feelings from the beginning.”

I turn to look at him again, one eyebrow raised.

“You have? When were you obvious? I didn’t know until now.”

He laughs.

“Really? Me following you around all of freshman year didn’t give it away at all?”

I shrug.

“I thought you just wanted to be my friend. That’s what you kept asking me anyway.”

He grins.

“Well, all along I wanted to be more than friends.”



When I got off the bus I walk down the street, going the way that I went the day Brent fell our of the tree.

I am living in old memories, when suddenly I come upon a breath taking sight that nearly brings me to tears.

Red and pink streamers are weaved into the trees, red and pink hearts hanging from the branches.

The picnic table that looks onto the stream is decorated with a white table cloth, and on top of it sits a plate of heart-shaped chocolates.

Valentine’s day! I had completely forgotten!

I turn around and see Brent approaching, a big grin on his face.

“It seems my shadow went ahead of me this time, him?” I say with a smile.

“Seems so,” he says as he stops in front of me. He looks at the decorations, still smiling.

“Do you like it?”

I turn around and sigh.

“Like is an understatement. Brent, I love it. Jax went all out, but this…..”

We sit down at the table and I pick out one of the chocolates.

I break it open to reveal a white inside.

“Oh my God, Brent. I can’t believe you,” I say as I stick the chocolate into my mouth.



Addilyn and I just grin, glancing at them. I lean down a second time, aiming for her lips, but she puts a finger on my lips to stop me.

“Not now,” she whispers. “Later, when were alone.”

We follow the nurse down the hallway toward Brent’s room. When she opens the door and I see him on the bed, I rush to his side. It takes so much of me to nor cry at his appearance. He looks like he could be…..

No I scold myself. Don’t think like that. You can’t think like that.

I take his bruised hand and press his palm to my cheek, so it’s like he’s holding my face in his hand like he often does when he kisses me.

Tears run down my face and I stare at him murmuring, “Don’t die on me, Shadow boy. You can’t die on me. You are my shadow.”

I repeat the words over and over, the tears continuing to run down my face without running dry.

You can’t die on me. You’re my shadow.

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